Michael Essien writes about press conferences and quotes

Ghana star midfielder Michael Essien has written his blog for February for his personal website and his club Chelsea and talks about press conferences and quotes.

Below is the full interesting article:

Hello everyone and a warm welcome to February – the month of love – according to my brother. I am told it is the only month a woman can propose to a man. Whether it’s true or not, I have been told to put it in the blog so there it is.

This month I have decided to give Chelsea fans something to laugh about because we have put you through hell with some of our results over Christmas and New Year. We are turning the corner and hope to give you more joy in the coming months but in the meantime here is something to cheer you up.

I have been to many press conferences and have given a lot of quotes but in our business sometimes everything has to be done in such a way that it is stage-managed quite a lot. At times reporters are told not to ask certain questions and almost everything is controlled for the image and PR of our clubs.

Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against good image and PR but at the same time it is refreshing to come across people in our game who are willing to speak their mind and tell it as it is.

We all remember Rafa Benitez having a go at Sir Alex with his famous ‘Fact’ quotes which took everyone by surprise and got us all wondering how much research had gone into that. Then there is the famous Eric Cantona seagulls and sardines quote which took me a while to understand, and there is also my own beloved Carlo Ancelotti’s ‘If it is only one person then there’s no problem,’ quote when a protestor hung a banner outside our Cobham training ground calling for him to quit.

In this job we have to take all kinds of questions and provide answers and if you are not careful you will regret what you say but three managers stand out for me in terms of humour, honesty and having a refreshing take on football. They try to put things into perspective, vis-à-vis life and football, and that is impressive

In reverse order they are Gordon Strachan, Ian Holloway and Jose Mourinho. They have provided laughter and made a mockery of journalists’ questions. They have also been honest on occasions and stated things as they see it.

Here are some quotes and Q & As from Gordon Strachan which made me laugh…

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesborough were better than you today?

Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there….

Reporter: There’s no negative vibes or negative feelings here?

Strachan: Apart from you, we’re all quite positive round here. I’m going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you’ll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won’t you?

Strachan: You’re right. It is a daft question. I’m not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you’re spot on there.

Reporter: You don’t take losing lightly, do you Gordon?

Strachan: I don’t take stupid comments lightly either.

Strachan: I’ve got more important things to think about. I’ve got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

My second favourite has to be Ian Holloway for his refreshing press conferences. Ever since Jose left we have been crying for such funny and refreshing take on football and I love him for that. Enjoy what he has been saying below…

‘Yeah that’s great. We’ll change the date of the planet’s greatest tournament because you nuggets have given the World Cup to a country where it’s so hot… Maybe they could do the same with Christmas. My turkeys will be delighted. I’ll go and tell them they’ve got a bit of respite because Fifa have said they’re going to move Christmas this year. The whole thing is ludicrous. They are a law unto themselves these governing bodies. There is no common sense. Ridiculous. Enough said.’

Ian can also tell jokes like this one – ‘I remember my dad telling me a joke where a boxer sits on his stool between rounds and his trainer says: “Come on, he isn’t laying a glove on you”. The boxer replies: “You better watch the referee then, because somebody is hitting me.”’

Reporter: ‘Ian, have you got any injury worries?’ Holloway: ‘No, I’m fully fit, thank you.’

I tune in to watch Ian whenever I can and I cry with laughter sometimes because he has a way of putting things and handling press conferences – it’s brilliant.

Finally there is the greatest of them all in my view – ‘the special one’ Jose Mourinho. When it comes to press conferences and quotes my ex-boss is special without doubt and here is a selection.

You all remember his first quote in English football which got everyone going: ’Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.’

That set the tone and since then he has delivered consistently…

‘For me…pressure is Bird Flu…I’m serious the Bird Flu in Scotland is bothering me more.’ – Said during the week bird flu was discovered in Scotland and Manchester United close the gap at the top of the Premier League to 7 points – April 2006.

‘If I wanted to have an easy job… I would have stayed at Porto – beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.’

‘If they don’t touch me, I won’t touch anyone. If they touch me, I’ll be ready to hit back even harder’ – on Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger.

“I am prepared. The more pressure there is, the stronger I am. In Portugal, we say the bigger the ship, the stronger the storm. Fortunately for me, I have always been in big ships. FC Porto was a very big ship in Portugal, Chelsea was also a big ship in England and Inter was a great ship in Italy. Now I’m at Real Madrid, which is considered the biggest ship on the planet.”

‘Look, I’m a coach, I’m not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.’

Mourinho summed it all up recently when he said: ‘I live in a world where you can’t say what you think, can never say the truth. Not being a hypocrite, a diplomat and a coward is my biggest defect’.’

On the subject of Press conferences one story caught my eye last month…

‘Levski Sofia basketball coach Konstantin “Titi” Papazov conducted a post-match interview entirely in mime after the domestic federation fined him 2,600 levs ($1,788) for his outspoken comments earlier in the week and for bringing the game into disrepute.

‘He responded by showing his skills as a mime artist, answering eight questions with a series of more and more animated gestures, and without saying a word.

‘”Well, I’m obliged to answer the reporters’ questions and I think they understood everything I wanted to say,” Papazov told Reporters the next day.

‘”So, I’m considering whether to continue in this way in the future. I don’t think it’s a bad idea.”’

Maybe we should all resort to miming if we are not sure what to say and may get away with it…

Ess